A Little More Personal (Raw)

Nothing To Disclose
Hey ladies.  Today I'm going to get a little more personal... I hope you read, but in case you don't want to (I don't expect you to, nor do I blame you if you don't!), I'll post my mani first.

I've been wanting to try making decals from stamp images for quite awhile now.  I wanted to do something summery, and I wanted to FINALLY wear Jindie Nails Candyland Remix.  I hate this polish in the winter, but every time summer or warmer weather rolls around, it's the first thing I think of!  I'm not sure how I like the decal, I could have picked a better image.  I was also a little sloppy with the dotting tool, but, here it is!  :)

As a beauty blogger, you often wonder if you should write posts like these.  People are not coming here to read deep thoughts, tomes on life, odes to loves.  You are here to see my nails.  Most of the time, we know you don't even read our posts.  You see what you came to see and move on.  I don't have a lot of followers.  I have even less that actually stop in everyday to view what I've posted.  I only have a tiny percentage of those that comment.  I'll tell you why: I do this for me.  This is where I come to share my thoughts on this amazing love of mine.  Sometimes though, that isn't enough.  This is my journal.  This is where my feelings come when they have nowhere else to go.  It just so happens that most of the time they are good.

Today, I'm writing because of the incredible amount of loss that I have witnessed in my life.  I never seem to be able to hold on to anyone or anything that is good.  I constantly feel like my life is on a razor's edge, with swords pointed towards the sky ready to catch me either way if I fall.  This blog is my bright point.  My comments are the stars in that black sky.

I'm not saying that there is nothing good in my life.  I have a great family and a few amazing friends. Every once in awhile, though, I'm dealt this blow that is surely meant to be a knockout.  Another came last week.

Life doesn't show you warning signs of someone leaving you.  Sometimes it happens slowly, like raindrop freezing as it falls to earth.  Sometimes it is all at once.  A head on collision with something you can't stop.  This was somewhere in between those.  Even though it was happening to me slowly, I didn't see it until it was too late.

Earlier I said I have a few friends.  I mean just that.  I have one friend from grade school I talk to, and another from high school.  Coincidentally, these two people are two of the best men that have ever been in my life.  Everyone else has vanished.  Slowly, then all at once.

I write, because I want people to realize that what they say has impact on other people.  When you welcome someone into your family, and then turn them away, replacing them with no warning, not acknowledging the promises you made - It hurts.  It is like a knife through the heart that you think will never come free.  That pain doesn't go away.  It is fresh now, and it will dull, but it will always be there.  When I see the children that called me Aunt Katie - it will hurt.  When the new baby will come and I won't get to hold her - it will hurt.  When you rely on other people for the help that you needed from me - it will hurt.  I know this because it has happened before.

Unfortunately, this kind of thing will continue throughout my entire life.  I just wish that sometimes, just once, I had a little warning that you wouldn't be there six years from now.  If I had known when I met you I wouldn't have said the things I did, and I wouldn't have listened when you said them to me.

Whew!  I think I feel a little better.  If you read all the way to the end, thank you.  So much.  I love you all! <3 p="">